1. Wilferd A. Peterson’s poem, “The Art of Marriage.” (longer version)
Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens,
A good marriage must be created.
In the art of marriage, the little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say, “I love you,” at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
The courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
It should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude
Of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation
And demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
Understand and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,
Dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner,
It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.
2. Blessing of the Hands (full version)
{Bride’s name} please face {Groom’s name},
and hold his hands, palms up,
so you may see the gift that they are to you.
These are the hands of your best friend,
Young and strong and vibrant with love,
that are holding yours on your wedding day
As he promises to love you all the days of his life.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours,
As together you build your future,
As you laugh and cry,
As you share your innermost secrets and dreams.
These are the hands you will place,
With expectant joy against your stomach
Until he, too, feels his child stir within you.
These are the hands that look so large and strong,
Yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time.
These are the hands that will work long hours
For you and your new family.
These are the hands that will passionately love you
And cherish you through the years,
For a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that will countless times
Wipe the tears form your face;
Tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will comfort you in illness
And hold you when fear or grief wrack your mind.
These are the hands what will tenderly lift your chin
And brush your cheek as the raise your face
To look into your eyes;
Eyes that are filled completely
with overwhelming love and desire for you.
{Groom’s name}, please hold {Bride’s name} hands,
palm up, so that you may see the gift that they are to you.
These are the hands of your best friend,
Smooth, young and carefree,
That are holding yours on your wedding day
As she pledges her love and commitment to you
all the days of her life.
These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love,
Soothing them through illness and hurt,
Supporting and encouraging them along the way,
And knowing when it is time to let go.
These are the hands that will massage tension
From your neck and back in the evenings
After you’ve both had a long hard day.
These are the hands that will hold you tight
As you struggle through difficult times.
Thes are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick,
Or console you when you are grieving.
These are the hands that will passionately love you
and cherish you through the years,
for a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that will hold you in joy
And excitement and hope,
Each time that she tell syou that you are to have another child,
That together you have created a new life.
These re the hands that will give you support
As she encourages you to chase down your dreams.
Together as a team,
Everything you wish for can be realized.
God, Bless these hands that you see before you this day.
May they always be held by one another.
Give them the strength to hold on
During the storms of stress and disillusionment.
Keep them tender and gentle as they nurture each other
In their wondrous love.
Help these hands to continue building a relationship
Founded on your grace,
rich in caring,
and devoted in reaching for your perfection.
May {Groom} and {Bride} see their four hands
as healer, protector, shelter and guide.
We ask this in your name, Amen.
and hold his hands, palms up,
so you may see the gift that they are to you.
These are the hands of your best friend,
Young and strong and vibrant with love,
that are holding yours on your wedding day
As he promises to love you all the days of his life.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours,
As together you build your future,
As you laugh and cry,
As you share your innermost secrets and dreams.
These are the hands you will place,
With expectant joy against your stomach
Until he, too, feels his child stir within you.
These are the hands that look so large and strong,
Yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time.
These are the hands that will work long hours
For you and your new family.
These are the hands that will passionately love you
And cherish you through the years,
For a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that will countless times
Wipe the tears form your face;
Tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will comfort you in illness
And hold you when fear or grief wrack your mind.
These are the hands what will tenderly lift your chin
And brush your cheek as the raise your face
To look into your eyes;
Eyes that are filled completely
with overwhelming love and desire for you.
{Groom’s name}, please hold {Bride’s name} hands,
palm up, so that you may see the gift that they are to you.
These are the hands of your best friend,
Smooth, young and carefree,
That are holding yours on your wedding day
As she pledges her love and commitment to you
all the days of her life.
These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love,
Soothing them through illness and hurt,
Supporting and encouraging them along the way,
And knowing when it is time to let go.
These are the hands that will massage tension
From your neck and back in the evenings
After you’ve both had a long hard day.
These are the hands that will hold you tight
As you struggle through difficult times.
Thes are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick,
Or console you when you are grieving.
These are the hands that will passionately love you
and cherish you through the years,
for a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that will hold you in joy
And excitement and hope,
Each time that she tell syou that you are to have another child,
That together you have created a new life.
These re the hands that will give you support
As she encourages you to chase down your dreams.
Together as a team,
Everything you wish for can be realized.
God, Bless these hands that you see before you this day.
May they always be held by one another.
Give them the strength to hold on
During the storms of stress and disillusionment.
Keep them tender and gentle as they nurture each other
In their wondrous love.
Help these hands to continue building a relationship
Founded on your grace,
rich in caring,
and devoted in reaching for your perfection.
May {Groom} and {Bride} see their four hands
as healer, protector, shelter and guide.
We ask this in your name, Amen.
3. “Falling in Love is like Owning a Dog.” By Taylor Mali
First of all, it’s a big responsibility, so think long and hard before deciding on love.
But love gives you a lot of things. . .
On cold winter nights, love is warm. It lies between you and lives and breathes
And makes funny noises.
Love can wake you up all hours of the nights with its needs.
Love can give you a sense of security:
When you’re walking down the street late at night
And you have a leash on love,
Ain’t no one gone mess with you.
Love needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.
Love does not like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you. Love may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
But you can never be mad at love for long.
Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love makes messes.
Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
And swat love on the nose,
But then love gives you big kisses,
And you laugh at the little things.
Sometimes love just wants to play
Running you around the block, leaving you panting.
It pulls you in several different directions at once,
Or winds around and around you, until you’re all wound up and can’t move.
And love brings people together.
People who have nothing in common but love
Stop and talk and greet each other on the street.
Most importantly, love needs love, and lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and loves you and never stops.
4. From Robert Fulghum’s essay, “Union.”
You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks – all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” – those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these are common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.
The symbolic vows that you are about to take are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”
Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you will say words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this is my husband, this is my wife.
The symbolic vows that you are about to take are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”
Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you will say words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this is my husband, this is my wife.
5. “Why Marriage?” by Mari Nichols
Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body…
Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me.
Who won’t hold them against me,
Who loves me when I am unlikable,
Who see the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me
Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold…
Because marriage means opportunity
To grow in love, in friendship…
Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements…
Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole…
Because knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness.
I create me.
I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together, we create our marriage.
Because with this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body…
Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me.
Who won’t hold them against me,
Who loves me when I am unlikable,
Who see the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me
Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold…
Because marriage means opportunity
To grow in love, in friendship…
Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements…
Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole…
Because knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness.
I create me.
I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together, we create our marriage.
Because with this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.
6. Traditional Irish Blessing
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
May God be with you and bless you;
May you see your children’s children.
May you be poor in misfortune,
But rich in blessings,
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.
May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
May God be with you and bless you;
May you see your children’s children.
May you be poor in misfortune,
But rich in blessings,
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.
May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.
7. Blessing for a marriage, by James Dillet Freeman
May your marriage bring you all the exquisite
Excitement marriage should bring,
and may life grant you also patience,
tolerance, and understanding.
May you always need one another –
not so much to fill your emptiness
as to help you to know your fullness.
A mountain does need a valley to be complete; the valley does not make
The mountain less, but more;
And the valley is more than a valley because
It has a mountain towering over it.
May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, yet not be out to encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another,
And not fail in the little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you!”
And take no notice of small faults.
If you have quarrels that push you apart,
May you both hope to have
Good sense enough to take that first step back.
May you enter into the mystery which is
The awareness of one another’s
Presence – no more physical than spiritual,
Warm and near when you are
Side by side, and warm and near when
You are in separate rooms
Or even distant cities. May you have happiness,
And may you find it making one another happy.
May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another.
Excitement marriage should bring,
and may life grant you also patience,
tolerance, and understanding.
May you always need one another –
not so much to fill your emptiness
as to help you to know your fullness.
A mountain does need a valley to be complete; the valley does not make
The mountain less, but more;
And the valley is more than a valley because
It has a mountain towering over it.
May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, yet not be out to encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another,
And not fail in the little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you!”
And take no notice of small faults.
If you have quarrels that push you apart,
May you both hope to have
Good sense enough to take that first step back.
May you enter into the mystery which is
The awareness of one another’s
Presence – no more physical than spiritual,
Warm and near when you are
Side by side, and warm and near when
You are in separate rooms
Or even distant cities. May you have happiness,
And may you find it making one another happy.
May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another.
8. "Enough," author unknown.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright
no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest joys of life appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye
9. Apache Blessing
Now you will feel no rain
For each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold
For each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there will be no more loneliness for you
For each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two bodies,
But there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place,
To enter into the days of your togetherness.
And may your days be good, and long upon the earth.
For each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold
For each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there will be no more loneliness for you
For each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two bodies,
But there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place,
To enter into the days of your togetherness.
And may your days be good, and long upon the earth.
10. by John Keats
I cannot exist without you -- I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again -- my Life seems to stop there -- I see no further.
You have absorbed me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving. . . .I have been astonsined that Men could die Martyrs for religion -- I have shudder'd at it -- I shudder no more -- I couold be martyred for my Religion -- Love is my religion --I could die for that -- I could die for you. My creed is love and you are its only tenet -- You have ravish'd me away by a Power I cannot resist.
You have absorbed me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving. . . .I have been astonsined that Men could die Martyrs for religion -- I have shudder'd at it -- I shudder no more -- I couold be martyred for my Religion -- Love is my religion --I could die for that -- I could die for you. My creed is love and you are its only tenet -- You have ravish'd me away by a Power I cannot resist.
11. Excerpt from "The Gift from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist the terror of its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on community; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity -- in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The ony real security in not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expectng, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be loke islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits -- islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited adn abandoned by the tides.
12. Untitled
You touched my hand and reached my thoughts.
You kissed my lips and reached my heart.
You looked into my eyes and touched my soul.
No words were said, no thoughts exchanged.
Through only a touch you changed me,
With only a kiss you moved me;
With only a look you brought me life.
The ony real security in not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expectng, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be loke islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits -- islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited adn abandoned by the tides.
12. Untitled
You touched my hand and reached my thoughts.
You kissed my lips and reached my heart.
You looked into my eyes and touched my soul.
No words were said, no thoughts exchanged.
Through only a touch you changed me,
With only a kiss you moved me;
With only a look you brought me life.